What kind of sex education did you get in school?
Do you remember your first sex ed class?
I remember my first exposure to formal sex education was in the sixth grade. The girls and boys were separated into two different classrooms to talk about sex. The female teachers talked to the girls and the male teachers talked to the boys.
As I sat down in the single metal desks surrounded by the other girls my age, I could feel the awkwardness radiating from the adults standing in the front of the room. An already uncomfortable topic made more stressful by the lack of openness coming from the teachers.
They began by diving into topics related to us females such as having a period means you can now get pregnant, a training on how to use a pad and boob sizes are all different.
Then we got into the sex part.
Of course there was an overview of anatomy of girls and boys to explain the logistic of sex…heterosexual sex of course.
The message was clear that sex was just between women and men. There was not one word mentioned of same sex partners, more than one partner, the LGTBQ community or actual talk of relationships.
Then came the fear.
Stay away from sex because you can get pregnant or worse, get a disease that lasts a lifetime.
A couple people who were HIV positive come in and talk about how horrible it was to have the disease and the reason they have this disease was because of sex. Whoa!
Walking away from this special segment of the weekly routine, I was confused to say the least. I didn’t feel like I could talk to any adult about what just happened or answer some of these questions I had in my head.
The message I got was “Be safe and good by not having sex.” There was no talk about feelings toward another person, love, relationships, pleasure, urges to kiss another or masturbation.
I’m not sure the experience of the boys but I assume it was a similar message.
Looking back to my experience and hearing what is happening now, I feel a strong call to change the way we learn about sex. A new sex ed that takes away the fear, shame and guilt, all which keep sex in the shadows, and bring empowerment, joy and pleasure to everyone.
I think a new sex education needs to talk about:
- Consent-how to feel what a “yes”, “no” and “maybe” is for you and to voice it without apology knowing it would be respected and heard.
- Pleasure and self-love-masturbation is key to knowing what it is you enjoy and brings your power back to you.
- Normalize sex-sex is a natural part of being human and is a way to play with your partner to find pleasure.
- Menstruation– the female menstrual cycle as something to cherish and respect.
- Erections– the male penis doesn’t need to be hard all the time to connect sensually.
- Communication– skills so you feel safe talking to your partner about anything.
- Gender vs Sex-humans of all gender and sex can create intimate relationships.
- Porn-not a real depiction of sex.
- Orgasm-orgasm as a way to pleasure and sex magic.
- Anatomy-Break down the human anatomy of both sexes and explain every body is different and unique.
- Contraceptives and STIs– communicating about STI’s before engaging and encourage checks together.
- Recognizing unsafe situations- abuse and manipulation around sex and how to recognize safe space.
- Intuition-build intuitive skills so you can follow it keeping you authentic in your choices.
- Embodiment-knowing your body is the best way to have a satisfying sex life.
- Sexual Feelings-Unwind shame, guilt, fear and find joy, ease, and play in sex.
This is my curriculum for the new sex education.
What do you think? Is this something you would be into?
Most people are hungry to learn how to connect intimately.
Unfortunately, we don’t have access to classrooms with knowledgeable people capable to hold safe space to answer our questions, teach about these important aspects and empower us in our sexuality and embodiment.
Lucky for you, this is my mission. I’m working on a New Sex Ed for adults. This will be 100% online so you can do it from anywhere in the world.
What do you have burning questions about?
What would you love more clarity about?
Are there areas of sex, body or relationship that feel confusing?
I want to hear from you!
Please share by commenting below or emailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Together we can create a new sex education that holistic and satisfying.
Have fun exploring!