Sex is not an activity that a certain goal needs to be reached. Sex is an experience and a sharing. There is not a sex orgasm goal in high sex experiences.
I know this idea can be very contradictory of what we are taught, but hang with me on this one.
For a higher sexual experience, one that is full body, mind, and spirit connected, there needs to be a letting go of any ideas that sex has an end game.
The idea that sex is only worth its time when both people have reached orgasm is a very limiting belief on the capacity of sexual pleasure.
Most in Western culture, have been conditioned to think that sex is something we do as humans to procreate, feel pleasure and release the built up sexual energy.
Yet we have created a society where there is so much fear, shame, and guilt around the act itself that we need to have a goal or a reason for doing it and that reason is usually to reach the beautiful pleasure of orgasm.
So if we don’t have an orgasm, why did we do it?
There is a belief that if one of the two people don’t have an orgasm then something is wrong or it wasn’t good.
We are quick to judge sexual experiences.
We also have a tendency to try and push through sex to get to that end goal…orgasm.
This idea is depicted in most media showing the intensity of sexual intercourse…the passion that leads straight to orgasm. This is a false depiction of the complexities we can experience.
When sexual experiences are pushed to this idea, we miss out on the journey of sensual pleasure that brings the sexual experience to a heightened level of bliss.
Our culture has a push through mentality. We really value willpower and control. However, if you are wanting to experience sexual pleasure which can lead to ecstasy, these patterns have to go.
If sex has become a task or chore, I would recommended taking some time to figure out what’s really going on. Maybe these questions can prompt some truth for you:
- When did the play in sex fall away?
- Do you believe you have to reach orgasm in order for sex to be complete?
- Do you feel your partner has to reach orgasm too?
- In what ways do you control your sexual experiences?
- Are you spontaneous with sexual pleasure time?
- Do you feel the pressure to have an orgasm every time you begin to play?
I invite you to start exploring what beliefs you have around the goal of orgasm and sexual experience.
It’s important to let go of the sex orgasm goal and remember you are here to experience sensual pleasure that expands into sexual pleasure to create whole body healing.