We live in a world where we like to put things in categories. We like to say yes or no. We like to know things in black or white. We use the word “or” often, which generally creates a sense of limitation between two things. That is a binary world. This or that/ Yes or no. We like to know the answer and get nervous with “maybe” or “I don’t know”.
Part of an awakening journey is to get comfortable in the unknown, and this includes your sensual or sexual awakening.
All that you once knew to be true will be challenged and will change to make room for something different. To awaken into your true self, you must let go of the binary.
This includes the categories related to your sexual world. Straight or Gay, Male or Female, Feminine or Masculine. Releasing yourself from the binary means you make room for the in-between places and look at things as a continuum rather than a box you check.
I recently read a great article by Sam Killermann called “Breaking Through the Binary: Gender Explained Using Continuums.” The article does an amazing job describing how things like gender identity, gender expression, biological sex, sexual attraction, and romantic attraction all lay on a scale. You can basically fall anywhere on the scales of male/female, feminine/masculine, and woman/man. Meaning, just because you were born with female genitalia doesn’t mean you need to identify as a woman or have female qualities.
Your gender does not have to equal the biological sex you were born as. Meaning, gender is different than sex. Biological sex refers to the genital organs, hormones, and chromosomes you were born with, whereas gender is who you feel you are from the inside. So you pick your gender from how you feel but your sex is determined by your biological makeup. Both of these are also on a continuum because you can identify as non-binary, meaning neither male or female, or be born as an intersex person, meaning has a little bit of both female and male genital parts.
Your gender expression can also be fluid. For example, I consider myself androgynous because I go between expressions of very feminine, wearing dresses and heels, to very masculine wearing baggy sweats, backward cap, and men’s shoes. My gender expression is incredibly fluid and changes sometimes throughout the day.
Another example is, who you are sexually attracted to doesn’t always have to be the same to who you are romantically attracted to. You can be on a continuum on those scales as well. You might have more sexual attraction to men/males/masculine energy but be more romantically attracted to women/females/feminine energy.
It’s important to note that all of these categories are not dependent on each other. Meaning that if your biological sex is female, you do not have to have a gender identity of woman. Each piece of your erotic landscape puzzle is its own beautiful expression.
I know this can get confusing and heady, which is the exact opposite of what being in your body and in your sensual nature is all about, but I think it’s important to recognize the fact that we live in these binary dynamics and are still required to participate in systems that only hold the binary options.
True healing and awakening require us to go within and expand out of the binary to more unity. In the binary, we become separate from the other, but in neutrality, we can find unity in all aspects of ourselves.
Remember, you are a unique expression that is allowed to change and flow between binaries. You are not one or the other, you can be a little bit of everything. And when you’re on the awakening path, you discover how much capacity you have to hold the infinite possibilities of you.
Stay curious my friends!
xo, Monique