It might sound crazy, but most of us don’t know how to choose pleasure. Unfortunately, there is a pleasure limitation that is running rampant, keeping us from a deep satisfaction in life. We can be more comfortable in suffering and pain, which limits our experience of pleasure. Or we have an addiction to pleasurable things like shopping, food, and sex, but these types of pleasure stems from a deep thirst of connection that never gets satisfied. When there is an addictive quality, we are not actually “digesting” the pleasure.
Do you know what your true “YES” feels like?
You can be unfamiliar with choosing a “yes” that comes from your deep desires. This true “yes” comes from listening to what your body is telling us. It is your intuition guiding you to what you really want. This can be a healthy meal, a walk by the river, a person who wants to show up to support, or a style of sexual experience.
Sometimes, it can be difficult to really know what you want and how to accept pleasure. Feelings of unworthiness, fear of being selfish or like you don’t deserve pleasure might come up for you. It can be really uncomfortable to allow yourself to really take in the pleasure around you.
Pleasure is a practice
It is a practice to learn how to choose pleasure, like a daily meditation. You must continue to choose it over and over. One thing you can do is ask yourself what you prefer in any situation.
- What tea do you prefer?
- Which chair do you choose to sit in as you walk in a room?
- What kind of touch do you enjoy?
- What sexual act do you prefer in this moment?
Think of your pleasure capacity as a muscle. Right now, it might be weak and fatigued and not really stepping up the way it was created to. Asking yourself what you prefer before making a decision, begins to build your pleasure muscle. As you build this pleasure muscle, you begin to embody pleasure. You start to feel it in your body and want to feel more. Your life around you will begin to change because you are choosing pleasure over and over again.
In sex, you will start to choose things based on what you prefer. This will also take you using your voice and knowing your deep, raw “yes”. When you spend time knowing yourself so you can feel your deep “yes” then you will start choosing pleasure.
One powerful way to build your pleasure muscle is to notice when you are experiencing pleasure. Notice how your body feels, notice your feelings, your thoughts, your energy and savor them. Allow yourself to stay an extra 10 seconds in your pleasurable experience. This will help train your brain for more pleasure.