Oh boy…expectations…a juicy one. It is important to learn how to work with expectations so we are not overwhelmed by them. Starting as a small child, there are ideas or beliefs that are put on us or we put on others to set boundaries or create a sense of safety or control.
Whoa! Heavy stuff!
However, on the flip side, they can be uplifting and used to inspire greatness in yourself or others.
How we view expectations is important
Expectations in themselves are not bad or good. They are neutral. Our relationship with them is what is important to reflect upon.
Above all, be mindful of the feelings associated with your expectations.
Some things to help be mindful:
- Notice if your expectations are appropriate for the circumstance or not appropriate.
- Recognize what is coming from the fear place. Unhealthy expectations are often coming from fear of loss, rejection, disappointment.
When you can meet an expectation with an honest heart, meaning you are aware of the fears that you are holding about this particular expectation, you can assign different energy to the expectation or let it go all together.
Expectations hold structure
Expectations hold structure which is important to not feel overwhelmed. When structure exists, we have freedom to explore. For instance, there are certain expectations that are created when interacting with other people, business, or even technology.
Some examples:
- In a monogamous relationship the expectation is not sleeping with other people.
- Your favorite coffee shop gives business hours and you expect them to be open when they say.
- You turn on your computer, you expect it to work.
Be clear in yourself with the expectations you have so when the expectation is not met, you can show up with understanding instead of disappointment. This is a way to work with your expectations and not fight them.
Expectations can hold a lot of energy around our identity, worth, and value. Letting go of expectations can be challenging because they have deep roots in our believes of how things need or “should” be.
How to let go of expectations that are not serving you
- Be grounded in yourself.
- Take responsibility for your expectations. The emotional charge around them shifts.
- Recognize the expectations you have with a partner, child, friend. Then talk about them together, sharing what expectations are present for you and why they exist.
- Write them out! Use your journal to explore what expectations are sticky.
Evaluate your expectations
- Why does the expectation exist for you?
- Does it come from a place of fear or a place of genuine need to feel safe?
- What are some expectations you hold for yourself?
- How do you handle when an expectation from another isn’t met?
- How do you handle if an expectation for yourself isn’t met?
The only person you can control is yourself
In conclusion, there are many ways to interact with your expectations. But, remember to use your intuition, Your Superpower, to listen and find your true feelings associated with expectations.
I know you are the kind of person who wants to be in sacred connection.
You want to feel more centered and grounded in your life. You can move through fear and disappointment with ease and grace. So get curious about how you work with your current expectations and be gentle as you begin to explore them.