We’ve all been there. The moment we experience something different that feels uncomfortable and BOOM!…judgment.
Judgment is a natural human response. They come from beliefs that have been taught to us since we were babies. When we begin to learn from our surroundings, our little brains are like sponges and soak up all that is around us, especially beliefs and social behaviors.
We become hard on ourselves because we compare ourselves to others. We can judge our partners for what they do or say. We can judge what they might want to explore sexually and we will “yuck” their “yum”, creating instant judgment, which creates distance.
The moment we begin to judge is the moment of separation, this separation takes us away from our heart and the desire for intimate connections.
When it comes to sexuality, gender, and all that’s related to the world of erotic exploration, there can be lots of judgments that come up. You can judge others for their sexual orientation or gender identity. This might come from a place of misunderstanding or from being unable to shake beliefs around what is “right” or “wrong”.
Judgments can come up around how people choose to engage in their erotic world, for example, exploring BDSM. There are many judgments and assumptions of that community, but if you get curious it can lead you to a space of understanding and, heck, even possibly discovering a desire.
The most dangerous judgment of all is of self.
And the judgments don’t stop at others; The most harmful judgments are of ourselves. Self-judgment is a tricky one because it can come in all shapes and sizes, keeping us away from our truth. We can judge our desires, our sexual curiosities, our bodies, and our beliefs.
Judgment can quickly layer on top of itself, creating a heaviness that makes it difficult to breathe. It leads to anxiety, stress, and fear. All these are the shadows of ourselves.
But remember, in the shadows are the gems, so getting curious about judgments can lead you right into the key that unlocks the gate that holds you back. There is freedom in curiosity. There is freedom when you begin to question your judgments, and that leads you to true expression.
The key to unwinding judgments is to first admit you have them.
Yes, you judge, probably way more than you feel comfortable to admit.
Own your judgment.
Know it’s there. Bring it into the light and look at it.
Get curious about why this judgment exists.
Are you judging your body? Why are you judging it? What is the belief that lives beneath it?
This is a great beginning point to work with judgments.
I highly recommend journaling about it. Get curious with love. Remember, freedom lives on the other side.