Are you a sexual perfectionist?

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Do you have a scenario in your head of what you want sex to be and when those things don’t happen, you get discouraged, irritated and might throw your hands in the air saying “what’s the point?”

You might be experiencing a little thing called perfectionism that can actually be a huge cause of anxiety and stress, especially in the bedroom.

It makes sense as we live in a culture that values an idea of perfection. Messages like “practice makes perfect” or “get the perfect bikini body now”  are repeated throughout your lifetime and they get lodged into your brain without consciously knowing it. 

But what if there is no such thing as perfect. 

The idea of perfect is just that, an idea. Perfect is subjective, especially when you are talking about sex. Your idea of sex might be laced with perfectionism which is keeping you from being present and feeling pleasure.  

It makes sense with the amount of images, movie scenes, or tv shows that show how sex should be including the “perfect” shapes, colors, and abilities of bodies having it. But when you hold an idea of perfection, pressure is created.  And pressure in regards to sex sucks because it causes anxiety and stress that influences your ability to experience pleasure.

The expectations you hold for sex are something to explore because sometimes they are just too perfect. You will always be disappointed in the experience because you’re holding onto a perfect scenario.

Ask yourself these questions:
  • Do you have an idea of perfect sex?
  • Are you waiting for your body to be perfect before you’ll allow yourself to really let go during sex?
  • If there’s something in sex that doesn’t happen are you disappointed, irritated, or discouraged?
  • Do you notice you try to be perfect when having sex?
  • Is it difficult for you to not have things go according to plan?

If you answered yes to most of them, then you are likely swimming in the pool of perfectionism.  The pressure of perfection can release when you come to terms with the fact that perfect doesn’t exist. 

Gently explore the idea of perfection in your life. What are your beliefs about perfection? What do you feel when you read the word “perfect”? Notice how your body interacts with this article. Is it tense, do you feel a pit in your stomach? Are you noticing all the ways it’s not perfect?

Perfectionism limits creativity and your sexuality is your ultimate creative energy.

Start getting curious and find creative ways to explore non perfectionism. For example, try to draw a simple flower with your non-dominant hand. Let it be messy and childlike and far from perfect. Hang it up as a reminder that perfect doesn’t exist. 

Letting go of perfect is a practice. And remember, practice doesn’t make perfect, it makes progress and that’s growth. Stay curious my friend! 



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