How do you show up for sex? Are you present, feeling curiously playful, and noticing what’s going on in your body? Or are you feeling rushed, thinking of the next thing you need to do, and waiting for it to end?
One is more likely to lead to moans of pleasure and one will not.
Can you guess which one?
Yep you got it. The scenario where you’re present, curious, and attune with your body will be much more yummy than the other one. The reason is because of a thing called mindfulness.
Mindfulness is simply awareness
Mindfulness brings you into the present moment. And when it comes to sexual experiences, being in the present moment gives you so many options for pleasure.
Being mindful is directing your attention. When you direct your attention to something, your mind focuses on that thing rather than the thoughts it’s creating. Your mind is meant to make thoughts, that’s its gift. But when those thoughts take over you’ve got a problem and the name of that problem is usually anxiety.
Mindfulness is not about controlling those thoughts or getting rid of them. Rather, being mindful means you are giving your mind direction on what to focus on.
Often, when you give your thoughts your attention, aka get stuck in your head, you start feeling anxious because you’re focusing on the thoughts. Thoughts live the future, thinking about something that might happen, or the past, thinking about things that have already happened. Neither of those are being present with what is happening at this moment.
Mindfulness happens in moments. A shift in awareness is all it takes. Practicing that shift is the key to creating mindfulness.
For example, you might touch your partner’s arm while you’re sitting on the couch mindlessly watching a movie together. Your mind might be shifting between thoughts of the meeting you have with your boss tomorrow, or that new painting technique you want to try. You don’t even realize you’re touching your partner, you’re totally disconnected from the moment.
What would happen if you gave that touch attention? You started noticing the skin on your partner’s arm, the texture, temperature, and how it feels for your hand to touch them. I guarantee that a simple shift of attention would change your feeling of connection.
The power of the body is that it lives in the present.
It is always in the here and now. So when you tap into the body, you are focusing your attention to the present moment. This is helpful for sex because sex is a time when you want to be in your body so you can not only feel “hell yes” to pleasure but also your “hell no” to boundaries.
When you’re in your body, you can listen to what you like and dislike. You then have a choice to continue what you like and stop what you don’t like. That is being authentic to yourself in your sexuality.
You might be thinking, “ugh I hate my body, I don’t want to pay attention to it.” Or “who cares about my body, I have other things that are more important.” I get it because I was the same way for many years. But these thoughts are dangerous because they keep you away from loving your body. Your relationship with your body matters because your body is how you experience life.
Mindful Practice
Give your body a new kind of attention. Start getting curious about your body by shifting your attention to it. This doesn’t have to be a big thing. In fact, try this right now…
- Simply notice how you’re breathing…is it quick or slow?
- Notice the temperature in the room…is it hot, warm, cool?
- Notice a part of your body that feels tense…what sensation does the tension have? Tight? Tingly? Numb?
Simple body awareness questions bring your attention to the present moment. This is mindfulness.
Things you practice are the things you do. And the things you do, create your life. Start practicing body awareness with the Love Your Body in 30 days Workbook. You get 30 days of body love practices that take just a few minutes a day. CLICK HERE TO BUY WORKBOOK.
Remember, you deserve your time and attention.
Enjoy shifting your attention to You!
xo,
Monique
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