It happens like this…your partner comes home, walks up behind you and wraps their arms around your waist.
You immediately tense up, you hold your breath, and the thought storm begins…
“Why are they touching my stomach?!”
“Fuck…they’re gonna feel all my fat”
“I wish my body wasn’t so gross”
Your body recoils and you move away.
“What’s wrong?” they ask.
“Nothing” you say in an abrupt tone.
They back away and you both go about your business only you’re now feeling frustrated, have a head full of negative thoughts, and feeling so disconnected it hurts.
Sound familiar? 😕
It sucks to feel like you can’t relax in your body, especially at times that you want to feel connected to your person.
Your relationship with your body will 100% influence how you receive affection and your overall satisfaction with your sex life.
Sex is body based
If you struggle with how your body looks or feels, you will probably want to avoid sex or any activity that might lead to it. So touching, hugging, or kissing might bring up a ton of anxiety about having to have sex. Even flirting might feel dangerous because it might lead to them seeing your body naked and exposed..
Negative body image is not uncommon. To be consciously embodied can feel impossible because it requires you to love and respect your body. And that my friend, is not easy.
But here’s the thing, your body is yours and yours alone.
Yes, you might share it at times, aka growing a human, but other than that your body is always yours to live in.
Take responsibility for YOUR relationship with YOUR body
When you take responsibility for your relationship with your body you shift your sexual experiences. When you have a loving relationship with your body, you are able to listen to it more clearly, be more open to sharing with others, and having boundaries that feel true to you.
Self touch is a powerful way to start healing a negative relationship with your body.
Change your relationship with your body by touching it. Touching yourself can sound like something only to be done in the dark when no one else is looking. but what I’m encouraging here is touching the parts of your body that you normally ignore.
A huge area that is often ignored through touch is the belly area. From the heart to the pelvis, we have a tendency to ignore it because of all the cultural shit that’s associated with it. It’s a vulnerable part of the body. It’s the softest part too. The part that is the most judged and criticized.
When I was at the height of my body hate, I NEVER touched myself. I would avoid touching my body because I was disgusted with it. If I did touch it, I would be very critical thinking “I’m so gross” or “why am I so fat” or “why can’t I lose this weight!”. I was so hard on myself and on my body.
But then I started touching myself with a new awareness. I started to be kind. It was hard at first but this ONE SIMPLE PRACTICE helped change it all.
Body Touch Practice
- Place your right hand over your heart and your left hand on your belly, somewhere around your belly button.
- Notice the immediate thoughts that come into your head, notice what sensations are in your body. Are you tense, holding your breath, feeling disgusted? All these are ok. Just notice.
- Then take 5 slow deep breaths. As you breathe in, concentrate your attention to the connection between your two hands, your heart and your belly. As you breathe out, release tension in the belly and jaw.
The idea is to connect the love you have in your heart that you so willingly and easefully give to others and direct it to yourself, your belly, your core.
This practice can be difficult at first but over time it can become one of the easiest tools to ground you and come back to the present moment. And remember, when we’re in the present, anxiety dissolves and our mind is with us now.
Practice and be gentle.
See what it feels like to take a body love break throughout your day. I guarantee the more you touch yourself with loving awareness the more you will love your body.
If your body doesn’t feel like it can be a safe place to explore on your own, it’s a good idea to get support through therapy or coaching. It’s time to make the shift to body love.
Remember, you are worth your time and attention.
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