Lately, I have been feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. As a woman in this society, I feel the pressure of keeping “it” all together. I’m sure you are familiar with the following expectations:
- keep your attitude positive
- be strong yet vulnerable
- be adventurous but stay on the secure path
- be yourself but not too much of yourself that it will scare people away
Damn…I am struggling with all of it!
This is a new year. The winter solstice was the same day as the full moon. I began my bleed cycle on that exact date…talk about extra potency! For me, there is a deep shedding as this new year began.
The shedding of the skin I carried the last year is wiggling its way off and I am feeling raw. In all of this wiggling discomfort, I ask myself what’s next? What do I want this year to be? What are the growth points for me? Always knowing that life is unpredictable and magical in the way it moves us, I ask the questions anyway.
I reflect on the past year because OMG some big shifts happened. At the start of 2018, I had no plans of living in a different country, yet here I am living in Spain and not having one clue on what is next. I write this because life, if you let, can show you some amazing adventures.
It has not been the easiest journey here in Spain. I have taken away every comfort I had developed at home. I am far away from my community of friends and family, I don’t speak the language so I’m constantly feeling like an outsider, the pay isn’t great, and I have no form of transportation except for a bus that leaves at 7:30 AM, sometimes. As you can imagine, I have been feeling raw, vulnerable, and going into shut down mode more often than not.
I tell you all this because I am feeling more and more pulled to share what I like to call “THE REAL SHIT”. To share about the stuff that is hard, isn’t pretty, is messy and outrageously human! But for some reason still taboo…I’m over it!
Typically, as the new year comes, we reflect on the happenings of the past year (the good, the bad and the ugly) and we convince ourselves that we will let all the bad go and move forward. I say…cool idea, but that shit can be sticky and get lodged into a place I like to call my spirit cave.
What is the spirit cave you ask…
It is the place inside each of us that holds our innate gifts, gems, deep knowing of truth we came into this world with. A sacred space only we can explore, because we are the only one with the key. It’s the shamanic cave, the YIN side of life. It is also the place that stores our emotional baggage. It is the section of our heart that we toss all the shit we don’t want to deal with right now into, subconsciously, of course. Out of sight, out of mind, is the motto of the cave.
However, if this cave is ignored for too long, it begins to rumble. We start feeling uneasy. Maybe panic attacks or body aches begin to manifest. Maybe our moods are more intense and we feel stuck or irritable. Our sex drive is low and we feel no creative juices flowing. We might notice how much we are zoning/numbing out with alcohol, food, work, and my favorite, Netflix.
All these feelings and doings are the signs our body is giving us to take a stroll to the place we are really good at avoiding…our spirit cave.
Now, I understand it might not be the most attractive idea because we are really good at avoiding this space for a reason. There are things we don’t want to deal with in there. Beliefs, patterns, habits, and emotions we really don’t want to bring up. I GET IT! Believe me, it took me many years before I hit a point of near death where I chose to live and begin to look at the shit I had been holding onto. But I began and haven’t stopped discovering my gems.
Being a human can be tough.
Being a woman has its own set of obstacles. As I have had much time to reflect, contemplate and be alone, the gems that have come out of my dark space so far are:
- a deeper understanding of human connection beyond language
- the importance of community
- the value of nourishing food
- my passion to dive deep into the emotional realm
If you are ready to begin the unwinding process of deep pains, beliefs you hold about yourself that are not coming from your truth and basically get really shamanic with it all, now is the time!
INNER ALTAR SESSIONS are designed to unwind the sticky and get real. Reach out if you feel called. I love this work!
I invite you to begin this year with truth. The deepest truths of yourself. Go to the places of truth that aren’t beautiful, that are dark and scary! Exploring the deepest, darkest parts of our inner world to find out what is there is powerful work and in my humble opinion, the only work to do. It is where the magic happens.
There is always something to be curious about. There are always opportunities for growth. Let your heart light shine bright as you explore your yin space. Welcome to your spirit cave.